Grace
loves VK
20 August 1989


a job
ipod touch
ipod classic
laptop
iphone
sunblock (face and body)
repairing fees on psps
clothing

March 2009 August 2009 September 2009 February 2010 March 2010 April 2010 May 2010 June 2010 July 2010 August 2010 January 2011 March 2011


Resources © 1 2 3 4 5
© XFANTASYWINGSX

Today was a very moody day to wake up. I was suppose to be at ulu pandan sim quarter there attending an orientation but yet now i m at home. The alarm rang but i dunno y i couldn't hear it and thus leading to my mum calling me at 7. I woke up instantly when my mum touches me waking me up, but in my mind i only just thought "O no!!! 7 liao. The orientation is at 830 at ulu pandan. No matter how fast i m i could only reach there 9 or 930. Wouldn't it be embarrassing to reach there alone when everyone is staring at u and i dun even noe where to find them at that timing. Might as well don't go since its just a orientation." Was that thinking wrong??? After my mum called me, i told her i dun wish to go liao since its late le and i continue to slp

Around 930, i woke up by my bro by a very hurt statement :'( He said " Mei, i dun tink you r serious. Even thou you have grown and change school, i dun tink you have change. Its not the environment or you had a problem, its ur attitude. ur attitude didn change at all. "

Once the moment i hear this, i dunno y i feel the extreme pain of hurt which leading me to couldn go back to slp at all. Is not going to orientation label as not being serious??? or was my thinking wrong?? i juz thought of tt idea when i realise i m late. its just only a orientation rite, y do i need to b label as wad he say just bcoz i didn go for it?? its not as if its a lesson... wad is seriousness? now i couldn help thinking bout it. is seriousness is no matter wad happen just do wadever to achieve things?? like example my case, no matter how late m i just quickly prepare and perhaps take a taxi there?? mayb i should have done that but i m afraid of the embarrassement cause by only i m the one walking into the gathered area with everyone staring at me. is that wrong??

The word "you haven change at all" really affects me alot. that is the statement i wish i could attain since 5 yrs ago when i was in sec 4. Abah you say we dun need to change ourself but we could transform from glory to glory in christ and only jesus could change us but i haven change at all T.T its not that i dun wan to change, i have been dying to change for these 5 yrs and i really hated my self for being such a person.

mayb its all bcoz of my fear, but i couldn stop my fear. 24 i attended a short briefing from the school, i saw most ppl are in big group. they join the school with their fren in other meaning i thought. i was really afraid i would b alone again. the fear of that just grew and grew when i listen through the briefing and during the photo session.

I saw how hard is for my mum to get the money ready for me (__) and i noe i must really work hard for her and myself. I wan go uol, and management is the only available route for me in which i seen. i will strive hard this statement i have been telling myself when i decide to go study again. i really dun wan to live a rotten and useless life. If i really did go for the orientation, would i b label as serious in sch? and not being label as worse as wad my bro say and my grandmother who i hear her saying what "jiayun really cannot make it, well we just have to entrust to god" this statement.




Ending soon for 19 March,

Juz suddenly rememb on one day when me n my mum taking 190 to orchard tink looking for game, a women on the bus suddenly ask us whether we are christian or not. I was like huh!!! Is she some kind of mad women. I dunno whether its from the devil or God, but no devil would remind us of Jesus love us rite :)

She say she could feel that i m veri tired with lots of things that is not my age should have the problem. She told me no matter wad happen, Jesus love me :D

Somehow that kinda touches me and make me feel that hope is not gone yet. I could still look on to better future.

YES!!! Grace can b tranform from glory to glory daily.

Tts all fro 19 ;)




Early morning 19 March,

Y do i feel so damn n depressing :@ On 17 March 5pm, i gotten wad i have always waited for. The confirmation letter from sim. N i have been told i have been offered a place which should make me damn glad n happy rite. But my heart onli feels with emptiness n confusion that i couldn make up my mind on y do i feel tt way.

Is it bcoz of the upcoming trouble of money for the sch fees which my family couldn support me or do i worry i cant make it for this course and continue being label as a useless person....

Wad is successful? A book that i read ask me that qn. To me the person who is successful in my family is my bro. Thou he nv really achieve anything great like owning a car or big house, i feel that his social life with people, knowing lots of people and having close relationship with them, able to care and concern for people, having no trouble in knowing stranger. In addition to all that, he is mature, he knows how to analyse the situation n sometimes being as our family consultant giving advice to us thou sometimes he will still have some conflicts with family.

I know not the ans of successful. But if i could b like my brother, i guess i could label myself as being successful.

Would i b able to do




18 March,

Hahahahahahaaaaaa.......... Finally bought a short that i wanted (>.<)!!!! so happy *(^O^)*
hohoho..... n i owe my cousin angela 16 bucks (Nv to forget and muz return her back!!!) erm... tts all for today ^.^

Woooo..... so happy today... ta da... muhahahaa.... my new short (♥_♥) thou its a bit too cool liao but got my size. hehe :P





Day 13 March,

This is the day i gone out with him to check on the IT show. Damn sad on the food that i have eaten :( spoil my memories of my beloved potato gratin, gave me a disgustingly hard n old potato gratin. Bet it muz have left over night :@

Gone shopping too on 13. No $$$ to shop which damn sadden me. A bit over control of me, i spent his money :X At first i was onli juz planning to check up on the clothing stuff which i plan to buy it when i earn my $. But :X when i saw the clothing a bit tempting to buy it on the spot. Den opps! I spent his money to get my clothing. Deeply regreted my decision. When i went back hm, my mum scolded me for wasting my $ on clothing which i basically have no need of them for now and furthermore its even more worse when i told her i spent clive's $ on it X_X there is no way to lie to her about it. Everyone knew i have no $ [coz no work for the past 3 month (-O-)], and i really dun like to lie to my parent, so in the end everything juz blah out of my stupid mouth.

O! O! almost forgot. We got go watch dragonball on that day. Hmmm. Dragonball not bad la, seem like got sequence and the show damn bloody lame n funny. Thou the plot like somehow laking, tink its bcoz of time contraint which led to unable to fully climax the story.

Day 14 March,

O! today was a veri surprising day. i knew he tell me go kallang there which i tot it muz b sadium. thou i knew the venue but i basically have no idea wad's he up to. Den while waiting for the bus 11 to go stadium, saw lots of kids around me and sudden strike of thought came across. Its (>.<) disney on ice!!! Den omg again!!!! 49.9 for the actual price but after disocunt, he told me its 43 bucks. still veri X rite. he brought me to watch the disney on ice!!! Damn cool rite (*^*) but dunno how to return him the $$$ liao (._.) However, the money he use to spent on my clothing i return him liao. Total 75 bucks. Where i got the $, seriously dun ask me :X but tink of course u knew... Yup... its frm my mum (#_#)

Sry mum!!!! i will work hard to return u the $$$ (T.T)


We watch race to witch mountain at the end of the day which was a damn good show (*-*) highly recommmend to go watch tt show. But b4 tt we had dinner first b4 going in. Deeply regretted eating tt dinner thou its nice (;_;) forgot wad's control again and eaten damn over full. Tink i expand my stomach 150%!!!! thankfully after a slp, i feeling better liao. During the dinner, he got help me order the potato salad n scallop. i tink he got a bit angry coz i say i dun like the scallop which he afford me for good. Hope he wun mind it


O! plus he told me about the meeting of my parents. Tink got to arrange one day of him to meet my parent. Dunno wad will my familt tink of him. sigh! i dun hav any security in the relationship. I really hope he will strife hard that i can proudly introduce him to my family.


Day 15 March afternoon,


Juz went for dental care at 9am!!! Damn early rite. I so damn bloody tired now (9_9) N my parent juz now didn give me any rest at all. Force me to go their church when i didn even got the chance to bath and my hair all but standing here n there. So embarrasse (>.<)!!! Hair so messy, plus tired looking face! N somemore coz of messy hair i bought my hairband out to make it look more tidy, but its damn ugly (T.T) got to face so many ppl with my ugly face. *sigh* But i cant blame them :X i didn wake up early enough time for me to bath. But well. Its over ^(*-*)^


Juz had fish n chip for lunch (^o^)y tink my stomach not well yet. juz onli eat some n feel like puking liao. WAD HAPPEN TO U LIAO, MY STOMACH??!!! get well soon okay :) i wan eat lots of good food (^w^)






Daddy I m extremely unsatisfied with my way of life now. Every day not eat, surfing net, psp, slp, bathing, I have been doing nothing but all that. I dun wan that!!! I really dun wan b a useless person who achieved nothing but rot away their life people. Is grace really that useless? Grace who is as you say in Christ and Christ alone. Daddy, you are mighty and strong, I who is your daughter really dun wan to b a useless person. I wan to achieved something that I could say proudly and loudly to everyone that “see! I m not useless. I achieved that in my life”. Really hate the feeling of being look down. My grandmother once told me “study you already like that liao, work you still like that, wan go den go dun wan go den dun go, like that can one meh, wad r u going to do with your life, you wan become useless person is it”. Whenever my relatives ask me question like study or work. I really ashame and no word to say to them regarding bout it. How am I to say to them that I have been rotting. And the worse of all is all my fren, cousin, all have been achieving something and yet I only had o level and nothing is achieved. I dun wan. I dun wan. Help me daddy, show me a path, show me a path that I could continue my life and lead me to a life that I m a successful person who I really hope in becoming someone who you can be proud of. Maybe what I could achieve is not that great in your great and mighty sight but to people sight, I really want to be a person who can testimonial to people that because of you, and you only, that I have changed and is successful. That you changed a wretch like me…