Trouble over same thing again n again n again
Friday, April 23, 2010
How the trouble started? Well. its only just 5 mins ago tt it started happening. Grandma ask me hey wad's clive job doing now? i was like er. starhub. With care n concern towards me she probe into more details how clive financial situation are: 1k job, temp. She say go tell him to find other better job, in his situation will he b able to tc of his family. Well. i can onli say i say thousand over time but he dun wan listen. Once this topic started i feel trouble liao.
Grandma says to me i got to treat myself well, finding a guy got to at least like earn 2k so tt he is able to support a family n next she jump to hav i seen his parent? i was like nope and she continue ask is it i dun dare to go c well perhaps i m but actually in my most inner desire i hope dunno y but all my fren seem to hav gone to their bf house except me. weird rite :X
Most hurt words were if he dun even dare bring u to his house why are u still being so intimate wif him
i guess this is wad i hav to face sooner or later n i hav absolutely no idea which step to take. I scare of losing him, love or used to i hav absolutely no idea but tink love more i guess since i love his prescence, gives me a veri comfy warm feeling n haha i love touching his face :$ feels good >.<
i wan to survive so give me courage to face it. if i find a good job n started settling no perhaps with my impatient i may suggest it to him aft i graduate. the courage slowly build inside me til one day even the bu this word doesn hurt anymore.
he dun wan leave starhub, dun wan find other better job, dun even listen to my advice, dun even bring me to his house. all i can tink of r all this n i m not a person who sacrifice livelihood for love so abbah guide me. i m seriously in need of advise n courage from u :'(
posted at : 5:25 PM
2 April 2010
Friday, April 2, 2010
Wake up at a day, after seeing joey msg all wad jun yuan had told me yesterday nite kept flowing into my mind. Grace now guarantee to be a slow person for the effect now then i m experiencing it.
I been feeling guilty since i had met up with jun yuan. The things i had been i catogrize it as what only gf should b doing wif bf thou he keep insisting he only treated me fren. Plus the using of hand to punch against the wall effect for me not trusting him =.= i can onli say i had no feeling towards him now but in future ya no one can say.
The things tt i had been hoping clive will do it jun yuan keep pushing onto me, i keep on telling myself differ ppl has differ degree of affection n if i keep on demanding from clive is like i onli put in 1% but hoping for 100%. TT really is cruel of me but is it??? This is the qn kept on poping into my mind now.
Previously i keep on hearing my frens going to bf, staying blah blah... It is really daring of them to go and wow so good. Good?? why would i tink tt? bcoz nv once i been to clive house b4??? i didn tink too much of it coz mayb we r staying too far n ya i hate travelling far. i dunno if jun yuan deliberately told me but wad he say make sense n it shivers my heart, what is this relationship actually is between me n clive, just a play thing??
Jun yuan say guy dun bring their gf to their house coz:
1) opps i forgot the other reason =.=
2) His parent. My age n clive age i hav nv tot of being a problem n most certainly his parent would b a problem between us. i hav nv ever seen his parents before. Parents care for their children, agreed! this is wad parents would feel for their child. Jun yuan says parents would wan to c their child marry for he is a guy child in the family thou twin but he noes wad parents expect of their children. N i m too young for marriage, his parents wun allow me n him to b together coz his parents cant allow him to just bcoz of waiting for me marry at perhaps 36 n above. Moreover, he is the onli child if things really goes tt way, would he choose parents or me. Well, my ans parents.
With this i tink again, since clive alr noe its impossible wif me why find me. Jun yuan says guys r like tt, in the beginning they just onli focus on love without considering the consequences but once the love dampen liao their logic would b back n sooner or later clive will dump me. Is this true clive? M i onli just your play thing b4 u really seriously responds to ur parents demand like wad a onli child should do?
Is this the reason why the care tt i desire most u couldn give me in all these 1 n half yr?? or my demand is overdemanding?? Is this aso the reason why u dun bring me to ur house??
i have always feel weird not being able to go his house so i asked tink 1 month ago hey clive, you nv bring me to ur house b4 then i notices his weird expression but mayb gal shouldn b so daring so i added of course when not ur parent around. His ans was his parent now not working so they can b anytime home so cant but one day. I rememb the one day but rest no memory of wad he says plus i dun tink much of it.
Stupid of grace which is wad i can tink. if the guy dun even wan u into his house n u this gal actually so shamelessly asking to go, my pride, my dignity will b all smash to pieces.
Ever since ur if u wan break just break, but at tt pt in time i didn even say the break part. Is this ur true intention tt ur love gone but logic back time?? N tt time is i personally call u one to tell u bout my feelings all the excuse u gave me onli were ur job need ot very busy no time to meet up to even clear things up. perhaps by then the feeling u had for me is all but gone so since tt time til now or rite from the start all this is not real is it?? Jun yuan says tt weird coz if the guy really work hard for their job, they would try to strive hard n aim high but all u were doing but juz stuck in starhub as temp. Haha
I knew in my heart me n clive will not b long together but i dun wan to tink bout it. From the time i call him telling him i like him alot n he accepted me back i have been feeling insecure i dunno why
First i must state, this is not my battling of feeling betw wad i had betw jun yuan n clive n i admit i m a bitch for going out wif jun yuan for past 3 days for i suppose all the things i do wif him onli suppose to do wif ur bf (i have no more toher words on this part)
Clive pls pls pls dun tell me these 1 n half year is all onli a fake, a play thing for u
Jun yuan didn cause my relationship to go worse but rather he forces me to stop running away from reality pushing me to face reality.
But grace do u hav the courage to break this balance u had wif clive? Will u break down???
The hotel thing u really dun respect me at all rite?? bcoz i to u onli a loose gal?
Opps haha forget mention. okay i tink i really did wrong. when i went back home for toliet around 1am, my bro says so late going out? with who? clive? this word feels like an alarm to me i really did wrong the person i with not clive but jun yuan. yup. wrong. i m sry clive if u treat our relationship as real but if not haha guess grace is destined to be always cheated by ppl
posted at : 9:57 AM
